Marrying my husband was not what I wanted. Yep...that's what I said. It's not that I didn't love my fella and desire to be his wife. It's simply that I had spent many months protesting God's will for my life.
I had grown up as a minister's daughter and determined early in my life that living in a minister's home was not for me. The "life in the fishbowl" and intense scrutiny and criticism of the minister's life led me to decide that as soon as possible, I would leave that life far behind.
When I left my parent's home for college, I experienced my first taste of "freedom." I was able to get out from under all the expectations and simply be myself. One day, while in the college cafeteria, I met the funniest and most delightful young man. As we shared our meal together, I fell head-over-heels. He quickly invited me out to a basketball game later that evening on campus, and it was there in the gym that he broke the news that broke my heart. This cute, preppy and humorous young man was a ministerial student. My hopes immediately deflated. How could this be?
Over the following months, God worked on my heart. It was tedious and gut-wrenching for me. But the Lord kept bringing me around to His way of thinking. How was I to know that His plan for me was the very thing I was running from?
Psalm 31: 3-5 says, "Since You are my Rock and my Fortress, for the sake of Your name lead and guide me. Free me from the trap that is set for me, for You are my refuge. Into Your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth." When I first read this Scripture, one thing jumped to my eyes...the words, "Into Your hands I commit my spirit." Were these not the very words uttered by my Lord while He was dying on the cross? Even in death, my Lord was quoting the Scriptures. Jesus was giving His all to God's plan.
How can I do anything less? Lord, I give my ways to You.....Here is my spirit, Use me.